DAY 1: For Richer or Poorer (Northern Brittany)
cote de granite rose
This beach is to beaches as rosé is to wine: popular for its pinkish hue and perfect for the summer. In some places, you'll find oddly shaped pink boulders, in others - finely ground pink sand. Find a spot to drink it all in. Pairs well with a creamy gruyere.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.cotedegranitrose.net for more information.
chapelle de kermaria an iskuit
The biggest attraction of this medieval church is the 15th century fresco Danse Macabre, or "dance of death," depicting people from all of social classes dancing together as skeletons. It serves as a reminder not to be too proud of your worth or ashamed from your lack of worth because death is a major communist apparently and the afterlife is a nightclub? It's all a bit confusing.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.infobretagne.com for more information.
cap frehel
You'll find all the quintessential seaside imagery in this preserved peninsula, from dramatic ocean views, staggering bird cliffs and the dramatic Fort la Latte, a good place to take shelter if the birds go Hitchcock on you - they're just waiting for the right moment.
Suggested duration: 60-minutes. Visit www.brittanytourism.com for more information.
notre dame des flots
On top of a hill and overlooking the sea, you'll find a small chapel and the perfect retreat from civilization. The atmosphere here invites quiet reflection or the hashing out of your inner turmoil. Either way, you'll return to civilization feeling somewhat cleansed.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes.
mont saint-michel
A perfect living example of feudal society and structure, this fortified monastery puts God and his clergy at the top and the rest of us lowlives in the trenches, though it's hard to complain, surrounded by such beauty. In the early 8th century a bishop from a town nearby was peer-pressured to build this monastery by the archangel Michael himself; at least he wasn't peer-pressured into doing drugs. Being at times impenetrable and inescapable, it survived the Hundred Years War intact and later served as a prison before finally serving its grandest purpose as inspiration for the city of Minas Tirith in the cinematic version of the third Lord of the Rings. While it's no longer as indefensible as it once was (you can take a shuttle bus in, even stay the night), its old world charm remains.
Suggested duration: 3-4 hours. Visit en.normandie-tourisme.fr for more information.
STAY THE NIGHT near: Mont Saint-Michel
DAY 2: D-Day (Normandy)
pirou plage
What was supposed to be a luxury seaside development ended up as a rave and graffiti haven when the developer disappeared. Nobody ever lived or died here so if you see something that looks like a ghost don't worry - it's probably just a drugged out raver.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes.
Editor's Note: structures may no longer be standing after recent proposal to demolish unfinished development. (July 2018)
eglise Saint-Come-et-Saint-Damien
This otherwise nondescript church was commandeered by two heroic US medics and used as a makeshift hospital to treat not just Allied soldiers but German soldiers as well. You can still see the blood stains splashed across the wooden pews, which were used as beds. After surviving the war and living out his life, one of the medics, Robert Wright, wished to be buried at the church but didn't fill out the paperwork before his death (shame!) so he couldn't be buried there. He ended up being cremated; a small amount of his ashes were smuggled into France and buried in the churchyard, where they rest at least partially in peace today.
Suggested duration: 30-60 minutes.
airborne museum
In this parachute-shaped building is a museum honoring the brave paratroopers who landed in Normandy on D-Day, June 5, 1944. It's a good introduction to D-Day and World War II in general with a ton of antiques on display including a WACO glider which was used drop off the troops to school (war), a C-47 cargo plane, authentic uniforms and military gear displayed on dummies, making it look more like a department store for military-grade fashion which is sure to appease the "make fashion not war" demographic.
Suggested duration: 1-2 hours. Visit en.normandie-tourisme.fr for more information.
Church of Sainte-Mere-eglise
You may have learned about paratrooper John Steele at the aforementioned Paratrooper Museum. It's only fitting that you get to visit the actual church where he landed, and was left dangling from a spire, where his lifeless corpse dangles to this very day - just kidding, he was taken prisoner by German soldiers before escaping to rejoin the Allies. He was eventually awarded a Purple Heart.
Suggested duration: 30-60 minutes. Visit en.normandie-tourisme.fr for more information.
bonus: Batterie d'Azeville
Part of the Atlantic Wall, this fortification which was used to defend the territory, albeit unsuccessfully, from an Allied invasion. It's a great place to learn what life was like for the German occupation soldiers stationed here, which you'll learn, was actually pretty fun, at least until they were overtaken by Allied forces. If you're not interested in the tour, it's also a great place for hide and seek.
Suggested duration: 60-90 minutes. Visit en.normandie-tourisme.fr for more information.
Pointe du Hoc D Day Monument
Another prominent portion of the Atlantic Wall, Pointe du Hoc was captured by Allied forces who scaled the cliff and is now the site of a monument commemorating their Spiderman-like abilities. Unfortunately real life is not a comic book, so most of these heroes didn't get back to school just in time for prom - they perished in the attack - and today we commemorate that sacrifice.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.abmc.gov for opening times and more information.
omaha beach
The most difficult battle of D-Day was fought by the invading Americans and the Germans stationed here. Because the Germans were stationed on a cliff overlooking the beach, the waterborne Americans were basically sitting ducks, just waiting to get picked off in what amounted to a game of Nazi Duck Hunt. Unfortunately for the Germans it was like one of the final levels in Duck Hunt where there are just too many ducks and not enough guns. That's how the US won the battle; they outnumbered the Germans by 30,000, essentially sacrificing the first 2,000+ plus soldiers to storm the beach.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit en.normandie-tourisme.fr for more information.
Normandy American Cemetery
Over 9,000 American soldiers are buried here, victims of D-Day and subsequent WWII campaigns. You'll also find a memorial for the 1,000+ soldiers whose remains were never found or identified. You might recognize the cemetery, prominently featured in the 1998 film Saving Private Ryan, as the burial site of the fictional hero John Miller, portrayed expertly by everyman Tom Hanks, the real hero. His character is actually based on the real story of the Niland Brothers, both of whom are buried here in this cemetery.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.abmc.gov for opening times and more information.
Musée de la Tapisserie
This epic, 70 meter long tapestry depicts the events surrounding the Norman Conquest of England, by William the Conqueror (never stop conquering William) whose legacy is best further explored in London (Northern England - Part 1). It is clearly very favorable to his legacy, as it was commissioned by his brother (though as brothers, it could've gone either way). Even if it is a piece of ancient propaganda, it's still an epic work of art, even if Charles Dickens once commented on how amateurish it was.
Suggested duration: 30-60 minutes. Visit www.bayeuxmuseum.com for opening times and more information.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: BAYeUX
DAY 3: Mob Mentality (Normandy Cont.)
Chêne d'Allouville
The trunk of this massive oak tree was hollowed out naturally from a lightning strike and resultant fire but if you ask the village priest, it was the work of God, and so the inside was repurposed shortly after, in 1669 as a two-tier chapel, still used for services today, accessible via spiral staircase. It was almost fully burnt down by the angry masses of the French Revolution who viewed the tree as a symbol of the church's hand in tyranny even though it's literally just a tree, before an unknown villager intervened and renamed it "The Tree of Reason." Apparently it was enough to quiet the crowd, or at least redirect them to burn something else instead. Like most old people, the tree is barely alive, and held together by ropes and pulleys, but it's a nice gesture to visit.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit en.normandie-tourisme.fr for more information.
Abbaye de Jumieges
Its grandeur reminiscent of the ruined abbies of England (Northern England - Part 6) this former Benedictine monastery remained active for over a thousand years and saw the height of its power in the 1300's, when it was also renowned for its charitable causes (perhaps it does pay to be nice). Most of the treasures inside were looted by swashbuckling Protestants during the French Wars of Religion before the very walls were stripped of their stones during the French Revolution, leaving its structure in all its naked glory.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.abbayedejumieges.fr for more information.
BONUS: La Maison de la Vaisselle Cassée
The "house of broken dishes" and shells is both the home and life's work of artist Robert Vasseur. It's unclear if he was aware of the work of Raymond Isadore, who also spent his entire life making a mosaic of his home Maison Picassiette (Northern France - Part 3) only a few hours drive away. It's probably better that they weren't aware of each other as their entire sense of self worth was probably predicated on the fact that they were doing something unique with their lives. Shhhh! Let them have their moment.
Suggested duration: 30-60 minutes.
BONUS: The Old Mill
Hovering over the Seine, this medieval house was originally part of a whole bridge of water mill houses, built in the 1100's, which decayed over time, making this mill the last mill standing. After it was nearly destroyed during World War II, villagers of Vernon banded together to restore the mill, probably knowing there'd be no other reason for anyone to visit here. Great people though!
Suggested duration: 15 minutes.
Fondation Claude Monet
Once you walk into the house of gardens of Claude Monet, it all starts to make sense. From the colors of the house to the garden arrangements and water lilies it's like walking through a collection of Monet's works. Monet believed it was important to surround himself with nature, for creativity's sake, and just short of taking off his clothes and moving to the jungle, that is precisely what he did here for the last 43 years of his life. Make sure to see the collection at Musee Marmottan Monet (Part 1) for the full experience.
Suggested duration: 2 hours. Visit fondation-monet.com for opening times and more information.
Chemin du Chateau de la Gaillard
A short but steep hike from the parking lot takes you to the remains of a medieval castle commissioned by Richard the Lionheart, the king of England, to guard his territory from the king of France, Phillipe Auguste. It likely wasn't the castle that instilled any fear in Phillipe, but rather Richard himself (with a name like "Lionheart," who could blame him?), because Phillipe did eventually attack the castle but only after Richard had died of gangrene (weak). The castle may have fallen, but the views from the ruins still stand.
Suggested duration: 2 hours.
Cathedrale notre-dame de rouen
Built between 1200's and 1500's, this cathedral reflects a diverse array of Gothic influences, including the Neo-Gothic spire, built only recently, in the 19th century, making it the tallest cathedral in France. The western facade was a favorite subject of Claude Monet or it must have been, considering that he painted it 28 times; five of these paintings are on display at the Musee D'Orsay (Part 1). Inside, you can pay your respects to King Richard the Lionheart or his heart at least, on public display for some reason.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit en.rouentourisme.com for more information.
church of st. joan of arc
A few blocks away from the Cathedral, you'll find a far more subtly designed place of worship. Completed in 1979, it honors Joan of Arc, a nice consolation prize for being burned at the stake for heresy nearby, the design evoking the flame that consumed her.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit en.normandie-tourisme.fr for more information.
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Place Du Vieux Marché
Grab a seat at one of the many outdoor cafes in this lively square, order some food, and kick back for some good old-fashioned people watching, a popular thing to do here since the early 1400s, when people watching involved watching people get executed.