DAY 1: Artist Residency (AUVERS-sur-oise & Amiens)
Maison de van gogh
Not sure if you can really call it "the house of Van Gogh" if he only spent the last 70 days of his life here, but of the over 30 places he lived in his 37 years of life (I guess you can say he's "been around the block") this is the only residence accessible to the public. In his short time here, he feverishly finished 80 paintings and 64 sketches before deciding he needed to take a rest, if taking a rest means shooting yourself in the chest. What was once a popular inn with artists is now a museum honoring it's most famous guest.
Suggested duration: 90 minutes. Visit www.maisondevangogh.fr for opening times and more information.
musee de l'absinthe
If you're wondering, "does absinthe really make you hallucinate, and if so, can i get some," you'll find the answers to all of your curiosities at this museum, featuring absinthe-related memorabilia and a recreation of a typical bohemian-style absinthe-cafe. Perhaps it's fitting that this museum is located in a place most famous for being the burial place of Van Gogh, since absinthe is known for inciting not only artistic inspiration but also, bouts of insanity, so drink responsibly - don't shoot yourself in the chest.
Suggested duration: 90 minutes. Visit www.musee-absinthe.com for opening times and more information.
vincent van gogh tomb
Though Vincent Van Gogh never achieved much recognition while he was alive, his brother Theo always believed in him. His father believed in him too - believed in him being committed to an insane asylum. Theo was with Vincent on his deathbed and so it's only fitting they are buried together; Theo died just six months after Vincent of a broken heart - and by broken heart, we mean syphilis.
Suggested duration: 15 minutes.
notre dame of amiens cathedral
If the medieval builders of this cathedral were attempting to reach the heavens, they failed miserably, but their efforts resulted in both the largest and highest cathedral in France - supposedly you could fit two Notre Dames of Paris inside here but nobody has tried yet. The previous structure here was famous for housing the severed head of St. John the Baptist, which was only purported to be real, yet brought in enough tourist revenue (suckers!) to build the current structure, starting in 1220. The head's conveniently absent in the current iteration (it's whereabouts unknown) but there's still much to see inside along with excellent views of Amiens from the western towers (west side represent). Come back at night during the summer and Christmas-time for an epic light show.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.visit-somme.com for more information.
maison de jules verne
At least Jules Verne actually lived in the home named after him (unlike others artists, cough Van Hogh cough). The acclaimed writer of Journey to the Center of the Earth and Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea lived here from 1882 until 1890, with wife Honorine. From the spiral staircase to the attic, there's plenty here to inspire, if not stories of your own, home design ideas.
Suggested duration: 60-90 minutes. Visit www.visit-somme.com for more information.
tomb of jules verne
For an artist, Jules Verne seemed pretty well-adjusted, dying a respectable death of diabetes in 1905, respectable as far as artist's deaths go. At least he didn't shoot himself in the chest (cough Van Gogh cough) though he did get shot in the leg by a nephew but that's more a product of the times than a reflection of his character. His tomb is further adorned with a sculpture of his likeness rising out of the grave and reaching up toward the sky, achieving immortality, though it kind of just looks a Jules Verne zombie.
Suggested duration: 15 minutes.
STAY THE NIGHT in: AMIENS
DAY 2: Hallowed Underground (Somme)
The caves of naours
These Middle Age rock quarries were repurposed as a shelter for the citizens of Naours during bombardments of harsh weather and invading enemies, at one point holding 3000 villagers along with active chapels and bakeries because all your really need in life is God and carbs. It became a popular tourist attraction during World War I - soldiers stationed nearby would visit, and make their mark by carving their names into the walls. At the time they would've been called out for completely defacing the history of the cave but they were heroes so they get a pass. Plus they made history of their own, the cave as a monument to their sacrifice.
Tour duration: 60 minutes. Visit citesouterrainedenaours.fr for opening times and more information.
somme 1916 musuem
The town of Albert was left completely in ruins after World War I. Only this passage, built by the clergy of the above basilica in the 13th century, was preserved. The town was rebuilt between the 1920's and 30's; the passage was used as an air-raid shelter during World War II before settling down to become a museum, documenting the life and times of soldiers during WWI, which, as you will see, wasn't all fun and games, though they did make the best of it. Just when you start to think that being a soldier in the trenches was kind of fun, the museum not-so-subtly reminds you of the horrors of war. You'll appreciate the peaceful gardens right outside.
Suggested duration: 60-90 minutes. Visit www.musee-somme-1916.eu for opening times and more information.
lochnagar crater
During World War I, British troops planted an explosive under a German stronghold (those cheeky bastards!). The explosion went as planned, but the ensuing attack did not; the Germans recovered quickly enough to fend off the British assault (those Germans have no sense of humor). The grounds spent much of the 20th century as a garbage dump and makeshift motorbike park, which sounds awesome, but it's probably better served as it is now, a quiet memorial for lives lost here, some of whom still buried within.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.visit-somme.com for more information.
thiepval memorial
This dramatic memorial to over 72,000 missing World War I soldiers of British and South African descent is even more haunting in that the bodies of these missing men are regularly discovered in the surrounding battlefields. Once a body is identified their name is removed from the memorial, resulting in many gaps between the honored names and the body is given an individualized burial.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.visit-somme.com for more information.
beaumont-hamel newfoundland memorial
Marked by a caribou sculpture overlooking the battlefield, this memorial honors the unsuccessful attack by the Dominion of Newfoundland, a British province of Canada, almost completely wiped out in the opening moments of the Battle of Somme. Perhaps it would have been better to go with the lion as a symbol of their sacrifice but it's nothing if not distinctly Canadian.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes.
carriere wellington
Like the Caves of Naours, this cave was originally a Middle Age quarry repurposed as a shelter for the citizens of Arras, but also used to conduct surprise strikes on invading German forces, stationed on the other side of town. The attacks were successful, if you can call losing 4,000 troops per day successful. The caves are now a museum honoring the lost cave-builders and soldiers.
Visit www.carrierewellington.com for opening times and more information.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: ARRAS
DAY 3: (Pas-de-Calais & Dunkirk)
vimy ridge
The Canadians must have freaked out when they received orders to take this ridge, given that previous attempts to capture Vimy had already taken over 100,000 French lives. Nevertheless, they defied the odds and rallied to take the ridge, a key stronghold for the Germans, marking a turning point for the Allies in World War I. Never underestimate them Canadians - they might seem like a peaceful bunch, but threaten the peace and they will murder your family. Of course many lives were lost, as this memorial honors the 11,000 plus missing from this battle alone. Take a moment to reflect then visit the Grange Subway, a preserved wartime tunnel.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.warmuseum.ca for opening times and more information.
ablain-saint-Nazaire old church
After this town was seized by German forces during World War I, the Allies started bombing their own town in an attempt to get it back, but ended up reducing it to ruins, which kind of defeats the purpose of getting it back. The church was kept in a ruined state as a reminder of the horrors of war, as you can still see the shell holes and soldier graffiti, but it's also just a dope spot for a picnic.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.northernfrance-tourism.com for more information.
lille
There's no must-see attraction in Lille other than the city itself, best explored by walking. You can start off in the bustling Place du General du Gaulle, the town square, where you can admire the architecture of the 17th century stock exchange building, the Vieille Bourse, also the site of second hand book vendors. Pro tip: stock up on philosophical works published in French then display them on your table at a nearby cafe, perhaps at Place de Oignons. Even if you don't speak French, you will seem smarter than you are, and invite plenty conversation with sexy intellectuals. Just say you're learning French and let them do the talking. You're welcome!
Suggested duration: 2-3 hours.
la piscine - musee d'art et d'industrie
The most notable work in this collection is the collection itself, housed in a former, Art-Deco style indoor swimming pool complex. As much as the arrangement appeals to your high-brow taste, you still can't help but want to jump in and make a real big splash.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.roubaix-lapiscine.com for opening times and more information.
fort des dunes
Built in 1878 to protect Dunkirk from invasion after the Franco-Prussian war, it served as a soldier processing camp during World War II, before being bombarded by German air-raids in 1940, forcing the French to abandon ship. The Germans took control and redecorated it in accordance with German style (austere and filled with artillery) and incorporated it into its Atlantic Wall. Maybe their reach exceeded their grasp because the wall fell rather quickly, the fort being taken back during the Siege of Dunkirk in '44. The 2017 film Dunkirk tells the story of Operation Dynamo, the evacuation of the French troops who were stranded at the beach. Although being stranded at the beach doesn't sound like the worst thing to happen, it wasn't all tanning and surfing. People died.
Suggested duration: 90 minutes. Visit fort-des-dunes.fr for opening times and more information.
allies memorial
The 4,500 soldiers missing or presumed dead in the Battle of Dunkirk are honored with this memorial, yet another reminder of the horrors of war, plus the high probability that anywhere you walk in Northern France, you're probably stepping on human remains.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.northernfrance-tourism.com for more information.