DAY 1: Drinking the Kool-Aid (Manchester)
manchester cathedral
While it may look like a modern construction, this cathedral has been around since medieval times. Unlike the 120 bodies found buried under the church in 2015, the Cathedral refuses to age gracefully, having undergone numerous renovations over the last couple hundred years. While it's usually better to cultivate your inner beauty rather than to make temporary aesthetic changes, the renovations have ironically uncovered some long-forgotten relics, such as the Angel Stone, an angel sculpture from another church on the same site from around 700 AD, and the Hanging Bridge, a 15th century entrance to the church, visible above the entrance to the visitor center. So go ahead, get another facelift. Maybe you'll find your old face hidden down there somewhere.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.manchestercathedral.org for opening times and more information.
john ryland library or Chetham Library
For the visiting bibliophile, Manchester is home to not one but two historic libraries to satiate your deepest book-related interests. If you're religious or have any interest in religious studies, you may want to to check out the John Ryland Library, which looks like a cathedral from outside and contains several notable religious relics, such as the oldest-known piece of the New Testament, and an early version of the Gutenberg bible. If you have any interest in non-religious studies or you're a militant atheist you may want to check out Chatham Library, the oldest public library in the English-speaking world, where Karl Marx often studied while staying in Manchester. Consider it the perfect place to start drafting your personal manifesto.
Suggested duration: 1-2 hours. Visit www.library.manchester.ac.uk for opening times and more information.
bonus: old trafford stadium
Since 1910, Old Trafford has served as the home of English football club Manchester United. It's famously nicknamed the "theater of dreams," but it can quickly turn into the theater of nightmares depending on how much you have to drink and the result of the match. If you're in town on game night, don't miss the authentic Manchester experience of football and incessant drunken yelling.
Average duration: 2 hours. Visit www.manutd.com for tickets, game calendar, and more information.
northern quarter
Manchester is often associated with its legendary pub scene, but if you're not a middle-aged Englishman who loves football and beer more than their own children, you might feel a bit out of place at an English pub. Instead you may enjoy the confines of the Northern Quarter, a former warehouse district turned restaurant and cocktail-lounge breeding ground where you'll find a young, upbeat local crowd. If on the other hand you just need a break from the old ball and chain or you're beginning to harbor feelings of hatred toward society in general, there's no shame in seeking out a simple pint of ale and the quiet camaraderie of a local pub.
curry mile
In the Southern Quarter of Manchester, you'll find the largest concentration of South Asian restaurants outside of India, fittingly referred to as Curry Mile. (Indian Food Street doesn't sound quite as charming.) Most of these restaurants stay open pretty late, and curry is known for it's anti-hangover properties so if you plan on indulging in a night of reckless drinking, but don't want to suffer next-day consequences, give curry a try. Side effects include very deep sleep, spicy dreams, and mildly upset stomach.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: MANCHESTER
DAY 2: Magical History Tour (Road to Liverpool)
Northern Quarter & ancoats
If you need a good reason to drink responsibly in Manchester, other than to preserve your own dignity, it's so that you can wake up early and sentient enough to appreciate Manchester's brunch, coffee and street art scene before hitting the road to Liverpool.
the dream sculpture
What looks like a poorly compressed computer image is actually a sculpture depicting the elongated head of a nine year old girl. It was designed by Spanish artist Jaume Plensa not to worsen the self-image issues of the young girls passing by but rather as a memorial to the former coal mine on which it stands. The girl's meditative poise is a sign of remembrance while her depicted age symbolizes hope for the future, but still, you can't leave without wondering if maybe your face is misshapen compared to others.
Suggested duration: 10 minutes.
BONUS: mendips (John Lennon's Childhood HOME)
It was here that a young John Lennon grew up under the care of his aunt and uncle Mimi and George until they were savagely murdered by stormtroopers, setting John along his path to global superstardom. That's only partially true, but you can find out what really happened on a tour of his home, which is the only way to get inside. The house was initially rejected for preservation as no Beatles songs were written here but how can you discount the site of the teen angst that inspired John's artistic capability? (It was probably aunt Mimi's constant complaints about the noise and insistence that he would never succeed as a musician that fueled him further.) Boss lady Yoko Ono took matters into her own hands, purchasing the home and donating it for preservation.
Duration: 2.5 hours (combined with Paul McCartney home). Visit www.nationaltrust.org.uk for tickets, times and more information.
strawberry field
This former Salvation Army children's home served as creative inspiration for John Lennon, who lived around the corner. Every summer, when John would hear the Salvation Army band play, he would ask his Aunt Mimi to take him, which makes American kids sound like uncultured savages by comparison for running after ice cream trucks. You can't go in but you can take pictures.
Suggested duration: 10 minutes.
bonus: Paul Mccartney's Childhood HOME
Only a few blocks away from John Lennon lived a wee lad named Paul McCartney. Their proximity to one another was definitely instrumental in the forming of the Beatles because teenagers are lazy. Also instrumental to their initial bonding was the fact that both of their mothers were dead, kind of like how Batman and Superman bonded over the fact both of their mothers are named Martha. Paul's house was officially recognized as "the birthplace of the Beatles" as this is where the Beatles first practiced. Paul's father Jim was much more supportive of their musical pursuits than John's aunt Mimi; he was a musician himself, and likely that kind of dad who tries too hard to be cool and ends up getting his kids hooked on drugs, but it all worked out just fine in the end.
Duration: 2.5 hours (combined with John Lennon home). Visit www.nationaltrust.org.uk for tickets, times and more information.
penny lane
It is said that Paul and John would often meet here to catch the bus into town, inspiring them to write the song of the same name, which was fittingly released alongside "Strawberry Fields Forever." The street is not quite as animated as the song would lead you to believe. The barbershop is still present, but you'd probably have to drop some LSD to see everything as the Beatles once saw it.
Suggested duration: 10 minutes.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: LIVERPOOL
DAY 3: Arts and Entertainment (Liverpool)
liverpool cathedral
The architect of this massive cathedral, Giles Gilbert Scott, was chosen among a pool of architects despite being only 22 years old and having listed a pipe-rack as his only major completed work, thus proving once and for all that it never hurts to apply for a job even if you're clearly not qualified. Since cathedrals generally take about a century to build, Scott had plenty of time to fake it until he made it, it being the longest cathedral in the world and the fifth largest in the world. You can reflect on his accomplishment and and your own lack of accomplishments as you walk the length of the building. Pay careful attention to the stained glass windows, some of which stand over 100 feet tall. If you the time to spare, do the Tower Experience for some exceptional views of Liverpool.
Suggested duration: 1-2 hours. Visit www.liverpoolcathedral.org.uk for opening times and more information.
Church of st. luke (Bombed out church)
Not just any other church, but quite possibly the most badass church in the world, St. Luke took a bomb to the head during the German Blitz of 1941 and continues to operate, roofless, as a popular concert venue, art/event space, and WWII tribute.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.bombedoutchurch.com for opening times and more information.
The Beatles Story
If you got to see all the Beatles-centric sights yesterday, this museum really ties everything together nicely. It's the world's largest permanent exhibition devoted to the Beatles, recreating many of the famous settings in which the Beatles rose to fame. You'll see many items from their careers on display such as instruments, posters and recordings of teenage girls screaming accompanying the length of the entire exhibit. It's a great retrospective, one that's certain to bring out the screaming teenage girl inside all of us.
Suggested duration: 90 minutes. Visit www.beatlesstory.com for tickets, opening times and more information.
BONUS: superlambanana
Designed by Manhattan-based Japanese sculptor Taro Chiezo, this aptly-named sculpture is a hybrid of a lamb and a banana, both of which were common cargo items on the docks of Liverpool. Chiezo meant for the sculpture to serve as commentary on the dangers of genetic engineering - not the engineering of lambs and bananas specifically, but genetic engineering in general.
Suggested duration: 10 minutes.
another place by anthony gormley
If you come here under the glow of the moon, you might feel like you're in the scene of a horror film where you're about to get killed. But during the day, this sweeping work by Anthony Gormley is a stunning sight to behold: 100 cast iron sculptures, based upon Gormley's figure, spread out along the beach. Some stand tall, some buried in sand, some in water, yet all of them look in the same direction, out toward the sea. Take your place among your iron-brethren, reconnect with nature... get out before dark.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes.
anfield stadium
Home to Liverpool FC, Anfield is the sixth largest stadium in the UK. If you missed your chance to partake in some hooliganism in Manchester, here's another chance to get smashed and yell profanities at people just because they were born in a different town.
Average duration: 2 hours. Visit www.liverpoolfc.com for tickets, game calendar and more information.
baltic triangle
The creative quarter of Liverpool where all the arts and entertainment businesses are based gets even more creative at night, with some very unique dining and entertainment venues. If the phrase "warehouse rave" doesn't elicit fears of getting tetanus, then this is the spot for you be at day's end. Just don't forget to party responsibly - make sure your tetanus shot is up to date.