DAY 1: Ghosts and Graffiti (Southwark/Greenwich)
BONUS: Leake St. Graffiti tunnel
Generally you'd go out of your way to avoid walking through a long, dark tunnel filled with graffiti but in the case of this tunnel, you should go out of your way to see it. The tunnel was originally tagged by legendary graffiti artist and activist Banksy, along with 29 other artists, for his 2008 Cans Festival, as in cans of paint, a play on the Cannes Film Festival. The tunnel was left open thereafter as a space for other artists to legally make their marks. (Don't get any ideas - you're not that talented.) So while you won't see any of the original tags, buried under years of paint, you'll at least be treated to some of the freshest paint in London.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes.
BONUS: Stompie Garden (t-34/85 Tank)
This decommissioned Soviet battle tank was used in the filming of the 1995 film adaptation of Richard III, then purchased by the owner of this land as a birthday gift for his 7-year old son. ("I want a tank for my birthday, daddy. All the other boys have one.") Rumor has it though that he was denied building rights on his property by the local council, so he bought the tank and parked it with the tank gun facing the council building one mile away, which is just about the most passive aggressive thing one could do.
Suggested duration: 10 minutes.
Maltby Street Market
This narrow street is home to some of the best indie food options in all of London. Almost everything here is worth trying, so don't be shocked if the street feels progressively narrower as you make your way through.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.maltby.st for opening times and more information.
cutty sark (Royal Museum Greenwich)
The world's last surviving tea ship, Cutty Sark, was built in Scotland in 1869. For its maiden voyage in 1870, it transported alcohol from London to Shanghai, which, with an all-male crew, sounds like a recipe for a drunken adventure that would quickly result in shipwreck. Against all odds, they stayed sober enough to make it to Shanghai, and journeyed back home with 1.3 million pounds of tea; all that caffeine probably got them home way ahead of schedule. Standing surprisingly well-preserved outside the Royal Museum, Cutty Sark also has nice views of the river Thames and the London skyline.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.rmg.co.uk/cutty-sark for tickets, opening times and more information.
greenwich market
Housed in the former Greenwich Hospital Building, a World Heritage Site, this market has it all, from food to clothes and crafts. It's just too bad the hospital is no longer present as it would've made an ideal place to seek treatment after the inevitable food coma.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.greenwichmarketlondon.com for opening times and more information.
Prime meridian (royal observatory)
The line running through this spot was at one point chosen to divide the eastern and western hemispheres of the world just as the equator divides the north and south, for navigational purposes. Advancements in GPS systems have shown the actual meridian to be about 100 meters west, but this line will always be the true meridian in our hearts.
Suggested duration: 10 minutes. Visit www.rmg.co.uk/royal-observatory for tickets, opening times and more information.
one tree hill
No relation to the American television drama of the same name, this hill is distinctly free of drama and makes the perfect spot for an afternoon sojourn. There are many trees, providing ample shade, but the name refers to a single tree called the Oak of Honor, which served as a property line during the medieval times. You can see the tree in the wooded area atop the hill but don't venture too far into the woods; it's said to be haunted by the ghost of a dancing girl. She's supposedly pretty friendly, but still... it's a ghost.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes.
queen's house Staircase
The former residence of the queen, before Buckingham Palace, is famous for its photogenic spiral staircase. You could take a tour and learn about the history of its royal residents, but you're obviously here to photograph the stairs. This house is also supposedly haunted, perhaps by the dancing girl from One Tree Hill, who was famously photographed floating by the bottom of the staircase. It's probably fake, since nobody in their right mind would snap a picture of the bottom of the staircase rather than the view above.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.rmg.co.uk/queens-house for opening times and more information.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: LONDON
DAY 2: Just Passing Through (Spitalfields/Shoreditch)
Abbey Rd.
This once-ordinary crosswalk was made forever famous by the Beatles, who crossed this very street for the cover art of their penultimate album Abbey Road. Every day, Beatles fanatics from across the world come here to recreate the infamous walk. Unknown to most people, however, is that this is an ordinary busy crossing, which leads to many traffic-related altercations. Whatever pose you plan on doing here, just make it quick or risk facing the relatively polite wrath of an angry British driver.
Suggested duration: 10 minutes.
BONUS: hardy Tree (St. pancras old church)
One of the oldest sites of Christian worship in England is also home to a unique sculptural arrangement by writer Thomas Hardy. Before he became established as a writer, he was tasked with the exhumation of graves at this cemetery to make room for a rail expansion project in the mid-1860s (a natural career trajectory). Not knowing what to do with the tombstones, he planted them around a tree where they gradually became intertwined with the roots, in a way that might appeal to your inner-Tim Burton.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.londongardensonline.org.uk for opening times and more information.
BONUS: harry potter shop at platform 9 3/4 (King's cross station)
If you're familiar with the Harry Potter films, this is the place were students would run through the brick wall to catch the Hogwarts Express to Hogwarts, the school for wizards. Unfortunately, you won't be able to run through the wall unless you're a real wizard. If you're unsure, ask yourself, how did I get to London? If the answer is "by broomstick," congratulations... you're most likely a wizard, in which case you are free to walk through the wall to the other side. The rest of us muggles will have to settle for the Harry Potter theme gift shop next door where you can marvel at the magic of making your money disappear.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.harrypotterplatform934.com for store opening times and more information.
Goat Statue
This statue of a goat perched on a stack of packing crates (known as I Goat) is believed to represent the plight of immigrants, such as the Huguenots (French Catholics) whose sacrifices helped to shape the Spitalfields area (with goats being symbolic of sacrifice). Let this be a lesson that all hard is eventually rewarded even if sometimes in the form of a statue of a goat on boxes.
Suggested duration: 10 minutes.
old spitalfields market
Of all the markets in London, this Victorian-era market has the largest variety of goods for sale. It's the place to go if you're in the market for the oldest antiques and the freshest foods, and not the other way around.
Suggested duration: 90 minutes. Visit www.oldspitalfieldsmarket.com for opening times and more information.
Dennis severs' house
Former owner Dennis Severs arranged the rooms of this home to depict the lives of a fictional Huguenot family who might have lived here between the 18th and 20th centuries. Each room is like a 3D still-life that takes you back in time, complete with sounds, smells, and half-eaten food (you gonna finish that?), all building up to tell their story. It's a unique way to learn about the history of Spitalfields and London as a whole in that era, so come on in, make yourself at home... that doesn't mean take off your pants.
Duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.dennissevershouse.co.uk for tickets, opening times, and more information.
brick lane
The neighborhood surrounding this street was once a safe haven for people escaping persecution, from the Huguenots of the 17th century to the Irish and the Jewish of the 19th and 20th centuries. It was not much of save haven for women in the late-nineteenth century, however, as Brick Lane was the stomping grounds (or stabbing grounds) of Jack the Ripper. Dark alleys and blood stains have since been replaced with multi-colored street art and blood-red curries, as Bengali immigrants now make up the majority of residents, though you'll still find remnants of the past in the various Irish pubs, Jewish bagel stores and occasional stabbings. (JK)
Suggested duration: 90 minutes.
banksy's 'designated graffiti area'
In the back of The Cargo Club is an original Banksy, preserved under plexiglass. Although its preservation defeats the meaning of the work, and the nature of street art in general, it prevents lesser known artists like yourself from trying to ride Banksy's coattails.
Suggested duration: 10 minutes.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: LONDON
DAY 3: Museum Hopping
BONUS: victoria and albert museum
Originally formed in 1851, this museum was dedicated to Queen Victoria and Prince Albert in 1899. In a rare case of reverse sexism, Victoria wanted the museum to simply be called The Albert Museum, though Albert insisted on not only including Victoria, but also putting her name first. What's unique about this museum is that it's devoted primarily to objects with over 2 million on display that span over 5,000 years time. It'll certainly make you think twice about throwing out all those chachkas lying around in your garage.
Suggested duration: 90 minutes. Visit www.vam.ac.uk for tickets, opening times and more information.
the british museum
When it opened in 1753, the British Museum was quite exclusive, allowing 10 people inside per hour by advance permit. It was also guarded by cats, most famous among them Mike, who guarded the museum for 20 years and was publicly eulogized after death. There was also a "cabinet of obscene objects," deemed unfit for the casual Victorian-time visitor - basically a glorified porn stash. Only "gentlemen of sound morals" were allowed to see it, though how gentlemanly could they have been really? Now that people have absolutely no shame, the obscene objects have been reintegrated with the general collection. You could ask at the info desk where "the good stuff" is, but you may find it less stimulating than what you're accustomed to and there's better stuff to see here.
Suggested duration: two hours. Visit www.britishmuseum.org for tickets, opening times and more information.
temple church
This church was built to serve as the English headquarters of the Knights Templar in 1185 for the purpose of conducting their top- secret services and initiation rites, which in retrospect, makes the Knights Templar sound like the sickest frat on campus, bro! Like all frats, however, they eventually got busted for something, sent to jail and then their house was confiscated and leased out to a tamer group of people, in this case, lawyers. In pop culture, Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code takes fictional sleuth Robert Langdon to the tombs herein, only to find out that there's nobody actually buried in them (true fact). While you won't crack any codes here (you need to go to Rome for that), at least you'll be in the company of some legendary bros, from Knights Templar to Tom Hanks.
Buy tickets at door. Opening times. Suggested duration: 30 minutes.