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PART 4: CAMBRIDGE & PEAK DISTRICT (NORTHERN ENGLAND)

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university of cambridge

Established in 1209, the University of Cambridge is the world's fourth oldest active university. It was founded by scholars who left Oxford after facing hostility from Oxford townsfolk, likely in the form of bullies knocking books out of their hands on their way to class. Unlike American universities, UK universities are comprised of separate colleges with which students prefer to identify over the university as a whole (think Gryffindor or Slytherin but without the sorting hat). Cambridge has 31 distinct colleges with Trinity College and King's College being the most famous and most toured (though the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are just as unique.) The best way to see the highlights is with a free walking tour. If you don't feel like walking, you can take a gondola-like punt tour on the river Cam. Either experience will leave you desperately wanting to go back to school or rewatch all the Harry Potter films.

Suggested duration: 2-3 hours. Visit www.visitcambridge.org for more information.

BONUS: RUSHTON TRIANGULAR LODGE

This folly (an ornamental building with no practical purpose) was built by Sir Thomas Tresham as a proclamation of his Catholic faith. (A simple necklace with a cross pendant wouldn't suffice.) Tresham was imprisoned for 15 years in the late 16th century, for refusing to convert to Protestantism. Instead of sitting in the corner and thinking about what he did (bad boy) he instead plotted symbolic revenge, and immediately upon release, went to work building this very lodge, decorated with symbolic allusions to the bible, specifically to the Holy Trinity. There's three of everything inside: three walls, three floors, and three gargoyles, with various allusions to the bible. Tresham really raised the bar of devotion here, which is why it's so hard to curry favor with God nowadays.

Suggested duration: 30 minutes.

bonus: Lyveden New Bield

Not satisfied with just one building proclaiming his faith, Sir Tresham commissioned this building to look like a cross from above. You won't be able to see the shape of the cross from the ground level, but God can, and that's all that matters. In reality though, the cross was just a cover for its true purpose: a summer home for Tresham. And perhaps that's why God smited him; Tresham passed away while the building was being built and his wealth was squandered soon after by his son. (Are there any stories of wealthy sons who don't squander their father's wealth?) The house has been preserved in its unfinished state since 1605 which seems like a total waste of a good house. Sure, there's no roof, but I'd summer there. (Writer's note: I have very low standards.)

Suggested duration: 30 minutes.

woolsthorpe manor

"I'm a mathematician, astronomer, and physicist. What do you do?" said Sir Isaac Newton at a party one time, making everyone else there feel like shit. It was here in this Grantham manor that Sir Isaac was born. He moved out to go to Cambridge, until class got cancelled due to plague (plague day!) at which point he moved back to Woolsthorpe. In his time here, he famously observed an apple fall from a tree and wondered why it fell straight down instead of sideways or up. If you're thinking "because of gravity, idiot," you can thank Sir Isaac himself, who developed the Laws of Universal Gravitation. The tree that inspired him is alive and in place, so let is serve as inspiration for you to be more observant, to perhaps theorize your own laws, or at the very least, to start eating more fruit. The tree is also ranked as one of the 50 Great British Trees by the Tree Council, probably the same people who rank traffic circles in London - not the most interesting job but "someone's gotta do it" (they tell themselves to keep them going).

Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.nationaltrust.org.uk for opening times and more information.

stamford

Considered one of the top places to live in England, the town of Stamford is comprised predominantly of stone - buildings, streets, and all. It's a popular filming location for British productions trying to capture an increasingly rare old-world aesthetic. (They don't make towns like they used to.) If you have some time before dusk, check out the Burghley House, an Elizabethan mansion, with its kid-friendly "Garden of Surprises" water park. It's not exactly Water Country USA, but it gets the job done on a hot, summer day. If you don't get here until after dusk, you're not missing much. The town really comes alive at night, with many restaurants and pubs to choose from, along High Street and the surrounding alleys. Add this to the list of places you could see yourself living in one day.

Suggested duration: 90 minutes (at Burghley House). Visit www.burghley.co.uk for tickets, opening times and more information.

STAY THE NIGHT IN: Stamford

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3

nottingham castle, museum and art gallery

Built by William the Conqueror in 1067, and later rebuilt by Henry II, this castle was the site of many historical events, but became most famous for events that probably never happened. Records show that In the late 12th century Prince John tried to usurp the castle and kingdom from his brother, King Richard, who was fighting in the Crusades. This would become the setting for the tales of Robin Hood and his merry men, who remained loyal to Richard, then were forced to become bandits, during the reign of John. Although they are commonly depicted stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, it's very likely that if they actually did exist in this time, they simply went around murdering the rich and keeping the money for themselves. And they probably still wore tights.

Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.nottinghamcastle.org.uk for opening times and more information.

city of caves

Deep under Nottingham Castle lies a labyrinth of caves dating back to medieval times. Inside it you'll find a dungeon and a wine cellar, which sounds like a fun place to be locked up for a few days, that is, until you hear the tale of Mortimer. Legend has it that  Mortimer had an affair with Queen Isabella and was an accomplice in her murder of King Edward II. Men will do almost anything when sex is involved. Although Isabella was the main offender, young heir Edward III took his frustrations out on Mortimer, using this tunnel to execute a surprise attack on the lovers in flagrante delicto. He then ordered Mortimer to be executed, by impaling him on a fence, and left his remains to rot like something out of Game of Thrones. So yeah, the caves are obviously haunted by the ghost of Mortimer, but don't let that, or the 300 steps, discourage your visit down.

Duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.nottinghamcastle.org.uk for opening times and more information.

bonus: major oak

Legend has it that this gigantic tree in Sherwood Forest provided shelter for Robin Hood and his merry men after fleeing from the Sheriff of Nottingham. Perhaps the area was more wooded back in the day because it doesn't quite come across as a good place to hide. Nevertheless, it was voted English tree of the year in 2014 by the Woodland Council, which is remarkably distinct from the Tree Council that votes on the 50 Greatest British Trees, meaning that the Brits have multiple entities with separate tree rankings.

Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.experiencenottinghamshire.com for opening times and more information.

BONUS: newstead abbey

Founded for monastic purposes in the late 12th century, this abbey would eventually become the private residence of noted poet Lord Byron. (Aren't artists were supposed to live in squalor?) It's now a museum, notable for its extensive collection of Lord Byron memorabilia, as well as its hybrid medieval exterior and Victorian interior. There's even a Dressing Up Room for visitors to live out their dream of dressing in Victorian-era garb without fear of being judged by society.

Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.newsteadabbey.org.uk for opening times and more information.

chesterfield parish church

This church is mostly known for its crooked spire, which expanded over time on one side due to the leaden paint being exposed to sunlight. Before science chimed in, some people believed that a virgin married here, and she was so beautiful that the spire turned around to ogle her (unclear if the spire was catcalling her as well). Other people believed that a town blacksmith sold the devil the wrong pair of jumping shoes and when he tried to use them to jump over the spire, he didn't quite clear it (and probably spent the next few days in a fetal position, cradling his testicles). These are fun stories and all, but we're going to go with science on this one.

Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.crookedspire.org for opening times and more information.

renishaw hall & Gardens

There's so much to see in the collections of this palatial home, built in 1625 by George Sitwell and held by the same lineage ever since. But with so many palaces to see in London, there's probably nothing inside that would really impress you. The real star of this property is the expertly arranged garden with the perfectly sculpted hedges and an ever-changing lineup of flowers. It's the perfect afternoon sojourn, made more perfect by the presence of an active vineyard.

Suggested duration: 2 hours. Visit www.renishaw-hall.co.uk for opening times and more information.

Needles Eye

This pyramid-shaped folly was built to settle a wager between two gentlemen, one of whom bet the other that he could drive a coach and horse through the eye of a needle, likely making the loser of the wager the most annoyed loser of a wager in history.

Suggested duration: 30 minutes.

bonus: hoober stand

Unlike most follies, this structure wasn't inspired by complete nonsense and actually serves a purpose. Built by the Earl of Malton to mark the end of the 1745 rebellion against the government, you can climb to the top for views of the lush surrounding country.

Suggested duration: 30 minutes.

STAY THE NIGHT IN: SHEFFIELD

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3

peak district national park

The first official national park of the UK, Peak District was established in 1951. The name is misleading, as there are technically no peaks here, just a bunch of very large hills, though it's not the size that counts. There's a lot to do here from rock climbing to cave diving, and plenty to see, from tiny villages to giant reservoirs, but it's the epic hikes and views that are most worthy of your time. If you want to see all of the suggested sites, go early and be sure to carb-load early morning (as if you weren't going to already).

Visit www.peakdistrict.gov.uk for opening times and more information.

STAY THE NIGHT Near: peak district

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