DAY 1: Views, Booze and Beaches (Dingle Peninsula)
conor pass
Take a scenic drive along the mountainside but be sure not to look down - it’s the highest road in Ireland. Also make sure to drive slow, as there’s barely enough room for one car to pass, let alone two. Better yet, just don’t even look at the view. It’s not worth it.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.dingle-peninsula.ie for more information.
brandon mountain
The highest peak of the peninsula is named after Saint Brendan, who went in search for the Garden of Eden, but all he found was this mountain. Yet it’s a popular pilgrimage site among Christians if you couldn’t tell with the crosses along the trail and at the top. It’s not a very steep ascent but it’s consistently uphill (both ways) so you’ll need some stamina, or at the very least, God’s blessing.
Average duration: 4 hours. Visit www.dingle-peninsula.ie for more information.
ALTERNATIVE: MV RANGA
This container ship, sailing from Spain to Iceland in 1982, was left wrecked on the rocky shores of the Dingle Peninsula. Only the bow is still visible. The rest of the wreckage was cleared away for the filming of Far and Away with Tom Cruise; not sure why - it would have made that movie far more interesting. Nevertheless it’s a decent excuse to drive to the westernmost point of Dingle. And while you’re out there, take in a view at Devil’s Horn or have a dip at Slea Head Beach, both of which you’ll have to yourself.
Suggested duration: 2 hours. Coordinates: 52° 6′ 33″ N, 10° 28′ 6″ W
Dingle
With more pubs per person than any other town in Ireland, Dingle is the perfect place for a pit stop until you drop. If you hear people talking different, it’s not the alcohol - Dingle incentivizes the use of Gaelic, which keeps the ancient Irish language alive. Restaurants and bar patrons tend to be quite local and friendly, so you might want to brush up on your Gaelic before arriving.
Suggested duration: 2 hours. Visit www.dingle-peninsula.ie for more information.
inch beach
One wouldn’t think Ireland has much to offer in the way of beaches, but you’d be pleasantly surprised by the clear stretch of sand at Inch Beach, popular among water sports enthusiasts, but no need to fuss, you had a long day. Have a seat to watch the sunset. If you have enough time before sunset take a short detour to the remains of Minard Castle, closed but viewable from the distance.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.dingle-peninsula.ie for more information.
killarney
With more tourists than locals, especially during peak season, Killarney might rub you the wrong way, but it’s the perfect access point for the next day’s itinerary and there’s no shortage of fish and chips and drinks here to put a fast enough cap on the night.
Visit www.killarney.ie for more information.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: KILLARNEY
DAY 2: Ivory Tower (Killarney National Park)
ross castle
Built in the 15th century by O’Donoghue Ross, this castle may have changed hands several times over, but O’Donoghue himself never left; it is said that he’s not actually dead but that he’s just sleeping (grandma’s not dead, she’s just sleeping) in the castle-side lake and that he comes up every seven years on the first day of May for a ride around the lake with his white horse, who is also apparently sleeping in the lake, in an underwater palace no less. The castle was famously one of the last strongholds to be taken by Oliver Cromwell in 1652 during the Irish Confederate Wars. Lucky for them they chose not to attack on the first of May.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.theringofkerry.com for more information.
muckross house & abbey
Originally completed for the Herbert family in 1853, this “house” underwent many renovations, to prepare for Queen Victoria’s visit in the 1850’s, leaving the Herbert family bankrupt, but it was totally worth it! The last private owner of the home was Maud Vincent, receiving this house as a wedding present from her parents (and all I ever asked for was one stinking pony). She later died in New York of pneumonia (welcome to the real world, princess!) and her husband donated the castle to Ireland, likely pissing off his snot-nosed kids. Adjacent to the property are remains of an abbey founded in 1448 by Franciscan friars who couldn’t have lived a more different life that their future-neighbors, with self-imposed piety and constant attacks from Cromwell’s forces. It’s well preserved, if you ignore the lack of a roof, and its cemetery holds the remains of the O’Donoghue’s, at least those who aren’t sleeping in a lake.
Suggested duration: 90 minutes. Visit www.theringofkerry.com for more information.
torc waterfall
A ten minute walk takes you to the base of this waterfall, the runoff of Torc Mountain. Another 100 steps takes you the a viewing platform, from which you can see Muckross Lake, your previous stop, at a distance. Another 10,000 steps, and you can climb the summit of Torc Mountain itself, though you should save your time and energy for an impending adventure. Torc means boar; an enchanted boar was killed here, hopefully to make enchanted bacon. You won’t find any boars here but keep a look out for deer.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.theringofkerry.com for more information.
ladies view
Queen Victoria’s female entourage was so smitten by this view upon their visit in 1861 that they named it Ladies View, though you don’t have to be a lady, or crossdress as a lady to appreciate the view, though you can if you want really want to. It could be fun.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.ladiesview.com for more information.
bonus: carrauntoohill
Don’t be fooled by this “hill’s” modesty, it’s actually the highest mountain in Ireland and it’s totally scalable, though not without it’s fair share of obstacles along the way. At 4-5 hours round trip, the Devil’s Ladder is the most direct and safest route, but caution is needed as certain parts of the path are over-trodden. Once at the top, try to resist the temptation to take the Heaven’s Gate path down, as it will take you down a different path and likely not take you down at all; there have been several “accidents” along here.
Average duration: 4 hours. Visit www.activeme.ie for more information.
kenmare
Meaning “head of the sea” Kenmare is the fictional home of the Kenmare Kestrels, one of 13 quidditch teams in the world of Harry Potter. It’s less touristy than Killarney but with the same amount of pubs, so you can drunkenly ask where the quidditch game is at.
Visit www.kenmare.com for more information.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: KENMARE
DAY 3: Avian Voyeurism (Iveragh Peninsula)
ring of kerry
You’ve technically been driving on the Ring of Kerry since yesterday but there’s no better place to appreciate it than on a coastal drive from Kenmare to the westernmost point of the peninsula. Plenty of places to stop, but best appreciated just driving through.
Average duration: 2 hours.
kerry cliffs portmagee
Formed over 400 million years ago, these cliffs have no bus access and are thus far less visited which means the only crowds you have to contend with are the crowds of seabirds, especially crowded during mating season. You can count these bird as members of the “mile high club,” mating on cliffs of over 1000 feet above the Atlantic Ocean, with its waves crashing below. Don’t look down, but do look out in the distance, where you can see Skellig Michael and Puffin Island. While you won’t be able to see the puffins at a distance, you can take comfort in the knowledge that they are indeed there. They’re not as friendly as they look anyway. You may catch a few regardless on the cliffs; binoculars may come in handy, especially if you’re into bird voyeurism. You will be after today.
Visit www.wildatlanticway.com for more information.
great skellig
Also known as Skelling Michael, it’s one of two islands, along with Little Skellig, that make up… wait for it… the Skellig Islands. Little Skellig is off limits due to the extreme amount of bird mating going on here; let’s just call it what it is - a bird orgy. Not a problem as Skelling Michael is the larger and more interesting of the two (unless you’re really into watching birds mate - take it easy pal.) The island was famous for the isolated, sixth century Christian monastery with the steep hike required to reach it. Now, you may recognize it as the solitary refuge of cool Jedi turned misanthropic hermit Luke Skywalker in Star Wars: The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, two forgettable films, other than when he is here, surviving on freshly squeezed green milk from an alien’s nipples.
Visit www.wildatlanticway.com for more information.