DAY 1: Past, present, and future (Testaccio)
Day Attire: Casual/Walking Shoes (No Shorts), Night Attire: Business Casual
Bocca della Verita
Usually when you walk past a long line of people, they're waiting to get their hands on a new iPhone or some exclusive sneakers, At this church they're waiting to get their hands on the 3000-pound disc-shaped sculpture of sea god Oceanus. They would likely be better served waiting in line for confession, as The Mouth of Truth, like Santa Claus, supposedly knows if you've been good or bad. If you fall into the latter category, when it's your turn to stick your hand in it's mouth, as customary, it will bite off your hand. If you've been bad, believe in fairytales, and are thus afraid to lose your hand, you could opt instead to put your hand in his nose, at the risk of pulling a thousand year old booger. As if the whole experience wasn't weird enough, when it's all said and done and hopefully with your hand in tact, make your way inside the church where you'll find the detached, decorated skull of St Valentine, who despite his sainthood, may have actually been a bad person, who just happened to stick his entire head in the wrong orifice.
Average duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.rome.net for opening times and more information.
Bonus: Rome Rose Garden
As far as gardens go, there's nothing particularly spectacular about this rose garden but if you're a straight male, try telling that to your wife or girlfriend, and see how well the rest of the day goes. At least it's conveniently located on the way to the next stop.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.turismoroma.it for opening times and more information.
bonus: Basilica di Santa Sabina all'Aventino
With all the pretty churches in Rome, why should you take time out of your precious stay to visit what, on the surface, looks like a crummy, old church? It's kind of like in Indiana Jones where the real holy grail is the crummy looking one while drinking from any of the beautiful cups will instantly turn you into a skeleton. Not promising immortal-life, but this church has been kicking since the 5th century... just saying. Be sure to check out the doors, the nave and the sole-surviving mosaic, all original pieces from the time.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.romefile.com for opening times and more information.
Ambrasciata del Sovrano Militare Ordine di Malta
You can't go inside the headquarters of the world's oldest chivalric organization unless you're a knight of the order, and you can't become a member unless you're invited, but don't feel too bad, it's not like they're having exclusive dance and sex parties; they're mostly devoted to helping the poor. So why are you here? If you go up to the door and look through the keyhole, you'll see a total of three sovereign states - Malta in foreground, Italy at center and the Vatican in the background - one of the best views in Rome. It's one of the rare instances where being a "peeping Tom" (or in this case "peeping Tomasso") isn't only allowed, but encouraged.
Suggested duration: 15 minutes.
The Non-Catholic Cemetery of Rome
What's basically a second-class burial ground feels like anything but and makes a fitting final resting place for famous Romantic poets John Keats and Percy Shelley. Walk the picturesque path between the trees, shrubs and tombstones and take time to read from among the especially touching and tragic epithets. Do bring tissues - poor little Quincy never made it past the age of four. If you have extra time, find yourself an open bench to contemplate your own mortality. Be grateful you've lived longer than Quincy.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.cemeteryrome.it for opening times and more information.
Pyramid of caius Cestius
Which one of these buildings does not belong? You'd think it would be the pyramid of noble magistrate Caius Cestius, built as his burial tomb in the early 1st century (burial goals). In actuality, pyramids were a common architectural structure in ancient Rome, the design imported from Egypt. It just seems out of place today because it's the last of the ancient Roman pyramids remaining. The inside of Caius's pyramid was long ago looted of riches (not that he needs it). All that remains is the tomb itself, underneath.
Suggested duration: 15 minutes. Visit www.coopculture.it for tickets, opening times, and more information.
centrale montemartini
Rome's first power plant has been refashioned as a sculpture museum which makes for an interesting juxtaposition between past and present. There's no specific sculpture you need to see (most are replicas anyway) but it's the museum itself that's the work of art: sculptures on display among massive machines. In other words, one could say this museum's "making sculptures great again."
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.centralemontemartini.org for opening times and more information.
bonus: Basilica Papale San Paolo fuori le Mura
One of the four ancient basilicas in Rome (along with St. Peter's in the Vatican), Basilica Papale San Paolo is the burial place of St. Paul, who was martyred about two miles away (thus giving him the street cred to become a saint). There's much to admire inside the church, such as the intricately designed Holy Door but the reason this church has a bit of a cult status is because the portraits of the popes along the wall are said to predict the end of the world. There are only a few spaces remaining for pope pictures and it is said that when they run out of space, it's the end of the world, which is basically the way everyone feels, when they run out of space for photos in their phone. Hopefully the church will go digital and learn how to implement cloud storage before it's too late.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.basilicasanpaolo.org for opening times and more information.
testaccio
Besides sounding like the name of a really intense-smelling cologne, Testaccio undoubtedly takes the cake as the Brooklyn of Rome. Besides the "so hip you're uncomfortable walking in" bars and eateries, you'll find some epic, large-scale street murals, notably the unnamed mural by BLU, on Via del Porto Fluviale, and the Wall of Fame by JBrock, on Via del Magazzini Generali.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: Rome
DAY 2: The Rise and Fall of Rome (Appia Antica Regional Park)
Day Attire: Casual/Walking Shoes (No Shorts), Night Attire: Business Casualappia antica regional park
It's hard to imagine that this quiet, cobblestone path was once the most trafficked road leading to Rome. Ancient Romans stuck in traffic would nay their horses at other carriages, or mutter Latin profanities under their breath. It's not just the age of the road, but the events that happened here that put it among the most famous ancient roads in the world. It was right here that Spartacus and his 6000-man slave rebel army were crucified, which seems like a colossal waste of human life, and not to mention some perfectly good lumber. It is also said that Ghost Jesus appeared to St. Peter here post crucifixion. Though we can't promise that Ghost Jesus will appear to you, we can promise that you'll see some solid ruins set among beautiful fields. Rent a bike for optimal sight-seeing.
Visit www.parks.it for opening times and more information.
What to See Inside:
church of domine quo vadis
In this church, you'll see a marble slab which is said to contain the footprints of Jesus himself. There's definitely a Hollywood Walk of Fame vibe going on inside which is fitting considering Jesus was pretty much the Justin Bieber of his day and age.
30 minutes. Visit www.sacred-destinations.com for more info.
catacombs of st. callixtus
If you were a pope between the 2nd to 4th century, you would likely be buried in these catacombs which were lost for almost two millennia, before being rediscovered in 1854. Of the popes said to be buried here, not all are accounted for, which means there's probably a hidden chamber somewhere. Start pushing random bricks in the hopes that one of them will open a door.
30 minutes. Visit www.catacombe.roma.it for times, more info.
circus of maxentius
If you're sad that we skipped Circus Maximus back in Part 1 (on account of there being nothing there anymore) this will make up for that slight. The second largest ancient Roman circus is far-better preserved and being less visited, has an almost haunted quality to it, more so in light of history. The circus was a "one hit wonder," built for one set of games to commemorate the death of Maxentius' son, who died in his infancy. (Commemorate him? You hardly knew him!) When said circus had ended, Maxentius never used the villa again.
30 minutes. Visit www.welcometorome.net for more info.
mausoleo di cecilia metella
With such a badass memorial to her existence, Cecilia Metella must have been one badass lady. In truth, not much is known about her other than the fact her hubbie and her father were both super accomplished. It's nice to imagine that they could not have done it without all the love and support from Cecilia.
30 minutes. Visit www.archeoroma.beniculturali.it for info.
capo di bove
If you want to see how rich people lived back in the day, you'll still need to use your imagination but there are plenty of ruins and mosaics to guide you at this ancient rich couple's house, more than enough to inspire some serious post-facto envy.
30 minutes. Visit www.archeoroma.beniculturali.it for info.
Via dei Quintili
The former residence of two rich, cultured brothers was likely the scene of some seriously epic Roman orgies. Both of them were named Sextus... just saying. There's a tiny museum here if you want to know what they actually did for a living, but it's more fun to imagine their lives were just one continuous orgy.
30 minutes. Visit www.coopculture.it for tickets and more info.
aqueduct park
When he wasn't busy killing people for amusement, Emperor Caligula commissioned construction of these huge aqueducts. The work continued under Nero, when he wasn't busy burning Rome to the ground, raising a interesting correlation between depraved tyrants and improving water access and quality. It's technically a distinct park but it's near and perfect for sunsets.
30 minutes. Visit www.revealedrome.com for more info.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: Rome
DAY 3: The Last of the Tourists (Municipio II)
Day Attire: Casual/Walking Shoes (No Shorts), Night Attire: Business Casual
roman underground: Domus Aurea or ufficio scavi
"I love you, Rome. No, you don't understand... I want to be inside of you Rome." If this is how you feel, you might need professional counseling, or you could explore one of two opportunities to indulge yourself. The Vatican Scavi Tour takes you to the catacombs, under St. Peter's Basilica, and includes the tomb of St. Peter himself. It's like going on a ride at Disney World in that there are some restrictions to entrance (nobody under 15 or with physical ailments, including claustrophobia). Also, you have to reserve months in advance by faxing (yes, faxing!) your information to the Scavi Office but it's one of the best secret tours in Rome so it's more than worth the struggle. For something less demanding, you may also do a tour of the Golden House, belonging to pyromanic emperor Nero - it's not as cramped so if you're pregnant, you'll be okay. You still need to book in advance but at least you can do so online.
Tour duration: 60-90 minutes.
Borghese gallery & museum
It's easy to overlook an art gallery in Rome when the city itself is an art gallery, but it's worth taking a few hours to explore the impressive collection at the Borghese. Whereas most museums have a few good pieces and a bunch of filler-art, almost every piece in this collection warrants a closer look. You may be asking how the Borghese acquired such an impressive collection. It's named after a wealthy 17th century cardinal, Scipioni Borghese, who loved art so much that he'd do anything for it, literally. He didn't kill for art but he did go as far as imprisoning artists on false charges so that he could confiscate their art. Suffice to say, Scipioni wasn't your run-of-the-mill cardinal. Once his former villa was filled to the brim with fine art, he used the villa to host a series of epic sex parties, which kind of makes up for the criminal theft, assuming we would've all been invited. Among the best works to see here are the sculptures by Bernini and paintings by Raphael and Caravaggio. Do a tour to get all the highlights in.
Suggested duration: 2 hours. Visit www.galleriaborghese.it for tickets, opening times and more information.
la casina delle civette
You won't see a home with more eclectic influences than La Casina delle Civette, a Swiss-style villa built in 1840, with a medieval expansion added in 1908 and an interior adorned with art-nouveau stained glass. Civette means "owl," referring to the frequent appearance of owls in the decor; see how many you can find! It's clear that the villa's primary resident, Prince Giovanni Torlonio, liked owls. It's unclear why but you can't ignore the possibility that Prince Giovanni and Owl Man were actually the same person.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.museivillatorlonia.it for opening times and more information.
quartiere coppede
If trying to parse the eclectic architectural influences of La Casina delle Civette left you a little stumped, don't even bother trying to trace the multitude of influences in this exclusive residential neighborhood, ranging from Greek to medieval to Baroque to art-nouveau. With such fantastical names as the Fairy Building and the Spider Building and the Frog Fountain, every structure has a story to tell. As with wise, old people, you'll wish you had the patience to listen to them all but it's getting late and you're starving.