Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | OVERVIEW

PART 1: ROME (CENTRAL ITALY)

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colosseum

The largest amphitheater ever built was built not by Romans but surprisingly by Jewish slaves (captured along with Jerusalem in 70 AD), adding to an impressive collection of Jewish architectural feats that include Solomon's Temple and possibly the pyramids of Egypt. Of course, they got an assist from ancient aliens, but it's still pretty impressive. The pit underneath the stage was initially filled with water to host naval warfare simulations until someone realized that watching people bleed would be more entertaining. The pit under the stage was then converted into a hypogeum, a cool word for underground chamber, in which slaves and animals were held prisoner for weeks or months at a time in the worst possible conditions, much worse than that hostel you stayed at one time. It is estimated that over 400,000 people were murdered during the 400 years that the Coliseum was used for "entertainment purposes," along with 1 million animals (someone call the ASPCA). After the last gladiator battles, the Coliseum tried rebranding as a religious building, but you can't fool God, who smote the Coliseum with several earthquakes, leaving it naked and ashamed of its sins (The original outer wall no longer exists. The current outer wall was the original inner wall and the original structure was much larger than it appears today.) The best way to see the Coliseum is to take the official Underground Tour, which takes you right into the hypogeum and up to the normally off-limits third floor for the best views of the arena's interior, plus all the surrounding sights.

Suggested duration: 2 hours. Visit www.coopculture.it for tickets, opening times, and more information.

palatine hill

Possibly the most ancient part of Roman civilization, Palatine Hill was inhabited by many notable figures both mythical and real, such as Cacus, a fire-breathing cannibal (obviously mythical) who lived in a cave and terrorized folks from neighboring Aventine Hill, before Kevin Sorbo, aka Hercules, squeezed his neck so hard that his eyes popped out. The founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus, also lived in a cave on Palatine Hill. They were born to a virgin mother (a great excuse for an unwanted pregnancy) and thus threatened the legitimacy of the rule of their uncle King Amulius, the original creepy uncle. He tried to have them murdered but they were stashed away in the above-mentioned cave, where they were raised by a she-wolf. Perhaps she-wolves make the best mothers, because Romulus and Remus went on to found Rome. Although you won't find any evidence of the above stories among the remains of Palatine Hill (likely story!), there's enough ruins here to paint a vivid picture of the height of Roman times. After a lengthy and loud Coliseum tour, you may appreciate touring the serene grounds here at your own pace. It's also a great place for a picnic lunch (it's not everyday you get to eat among ruins). For more info on the ruins, check out the onsite museum.

Suggested duration: 3 hours. Entry included with Coliseum. Visit www.coopculture.it for tickets, opening times, more information.

What to See Inside:

Roman forum

The center of life in ancient Rome, the Roman Forum was the place to be unless you were a complete misanthrope; it tended to get quite crowded. If you were a teenager in ancient Rome, you'd probably be here hanging out with your friends at the arcade, an arched passageway (not as fun as modern day arcade but still a cool place to hang out). Meanwhile, your parents would be conducting their business at a nearby bank or marketplace, or saying they're conducing business but they're really at the baths, or attending a party, assuming your parents weren't paupers, in which case they'd also be here begging for money. The Roman Forum also brought people of all walks of life together to hear speeches, witness debates, celebrate triumphs, and mourn death and defeat. Imagine the energy of Times Square and the utility of Washington DC all condensed in a plot of land no bigger than the average football field, "the greatest meeting place in the world," they called it. It would be impossible to appreciate the many remains you can find here, from the burial site of Romulus and the cremation site of Julius Caesar to the remains of the original Roman senate and the podium of the Shakespearean "Friends, Romans, countrymen" speech... better to take it all in as a whole.

Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Entry included with Coliseum. Visit www.coopculture.it for tickets, opening times and more info.

Bonus: Basilica di santa maria in ara coeli

It doesn't look like much from the outside, but if your legs haven't fallen off yet, and you're willing to climb a hundred stairs, you'll see an impressive interior, with tons of chandeliers along the flanks and before the altar, and the famous frescoes of Pinturicchio.

Visit www.turismoroma.it for opening times and more information.

altar of the fatherland & Terrazza delle quadrighe

This impressive edifice was built as a monument to the first king of Italy, Victor Emmanuel, in 1925. Also known as "the wedding cake" or "English soup" (which is probably making you severely hungry for dinner right now), due to it being overly ornate, and completely out of place, Italians eventually came around to it, as they're bound to do with anything that's associated with food. You've taken in enough history today so you could probably skip the museum but you should definitely take the elevator to the top of the building. If you time it right you'll be able to witness the sun setting over the entirety of the sights that you saw today.

Visit www.rome.net for opening times and more information.

STAY THE NIGHT IN: Rome

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Campo di Fiori

This grand but ultimately insignificant square has played host to the oldest market in Rome, in operation since 1869. Like reverse Cinderella, it's pretty in the AM, with a wide variety of food and crafts, before it reverts to a trash-strewn wasteland around noon.

Suggested duration: 30 minutes.

Bonus: largo di torre argentina

Among these remarkably-preserved ruins is the site where Julius Caesar was stabbed 23 times to death (because 22 times just wasn't sufficient). Adding insult to injury, it's now a cat sanctuary where cats literally piss on Caesar's death site. Et tu, whiskers?

Suggested duration: 10 minutes.

Pantheon

One of the best preserved ruins of ancient Rome, you'd think that the Pantheon was built yesterday, but most of it is in its original form, dating back to 125 AD (the completion of the third iteration of the Pantheon). While it originally served as a pagan temple, it was rededicated as a church in 609, which led to sustained efforts to preserve it over time (thus demonstrating the importance of reinventing yourself with the changing times). It remains a unique structure even by today's standards; it's dome is still the largest unsupported dome in the world. Another unique feature is the singular window in the middle of the dome - or oculus - illuminating the entire interior (not the best view in Rome but it gets the job done). You'll also find the tomb of Raphael buried near his fiancee Maria, a cardinal's niece, which isn't as touching as you'd think. He held off the wedding for six years while he was busy having an affair with a baker's daughter (she knew how to get a better "rise" out of him). She died waiting, and he followed her shortly after.

Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.turismoroma.it for opening times and more information.

BONUS: cathedral of st. ignatius of loyola

It's hard to compete with the Pantheon dome, especially when you run out of funds. That's what happened to this church in 1642, whose resident artist Andrea Pozzo though up an ingenious plan to cut costs. Upon approach, the dome at St. Ignatius looks just like any other dome, but standing directly underneath it you'll realize it's not a dome at all but rather an optical illusion designed to give the appearance of a dome. Dome purists, if there is such a thing, will scoff at it but its a clever bit of perspective painting.

Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.reidsitaly.com for opening times and more information.

trevi fountain

Although it was completed in 1762, water has flowed to this point since as far back as 19 B.C, when legend has it, a virgin Roman girl led a band of thirsty soldiers here for a drink (likely thirsting in more ways than one). The legend foreshadows the hordes of teenage girls who come here everyday with their Instagram boyfriends eagerly in tow, attempting to capture the perfect photo. (For the perfect photo, bring a selfie stick, which can double as a weapon to fend off teenage girls, and clear up enough space.) Legend has it that if you throw a coin into the water you'll return to Rome one day, a legend certainly propagated by the Italian board of tourism. You'll have a better shot of returning to Rome one day if you snatched all the coins from the water though it's considered a serious criminal offense. Legend also has it that if you drink from the water, you may contract any, or all, diseases from the Oregon Trail computer game; the fountain now flows in a closed-circuit system so who knows when the water was last changed. Although this isn't the best introduction, this place needs no introduction; you'll go there anyway. It's the most iconic of all Roman landmarks, featuring prominently even in Hollywood classics, such as Roman Holiday and The Lizzie McGuide Movie.

Suggested duration: 30 minutes.

Bonus: Santi vincenzo e anastasio a fontana di trevi

Compared to the Trevi Fountain just outside, this church is so peaceful and quiet, you'll wonder why there's no one else inside. As you admire the beautiful Baroque interior, you'll notice a series of colorful boxes on the altar. "Why does each box have a picture of a heart on it?" you'll ask the attendant. With a cordial smile that belies the most grim of realities, the attendant will inform you that each box is filled with the embalmed heart of a deceased pope. At that point, it will suddenly dawn on you why nobody else was here. Suddenly fearing for your life, you'll cordially thank the attendant for their hospitality, slowly backing away to the exit.

Suggested duration: 10 minutes. Visit www.romanchurches.wikia.com for opening times and more information.

spanish steps

Like the Trevi Fountain, the Spanish Steps need no introduction, though an explanation for its overwhelming popularity would be nice. In times past, models would come here for hire, and artists would come here for inspiration (or to look at the models). Now, the only type of person you'll find here is the tourist, who somehow believes that this is the spot where the real Italians hang out.

Suggested duration: 10 minutes.

bonus: Santa maria della concezione dei cappuccini

If all the tourists left a bad taste in your mouth and you find yourself longing for the comfort of embalmed pope hearts or craving something even more macabre, you're in luck!  This crypt is decorated with the skulls and bones of thousands of Capuchin monks. Talk about sacrificing for your art! The Capuchin friars were said to come here before bed to reflect on the transient nature of life. What isn't mentioned, but likely happened, is how scary their nightmares were and that they probably slept with their candles on.

Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.turismoroma.it for opening times and more information.

Rome by night

If it's not too far out of the way from your hotel, work your way backward through today's itinerary to see how much Rome can change by night. The fountain is still packed with teenage girls, but it takes on a different character when it's all lit up. Just don't surrender like everyone else to nearby gelato shops; they must be using water from the fountain because they taste pretty bad compared to other places not too far away. Back to Campo di Fiori, the once bustling market is now a bustling party hub. Again, don't let the restaurant greeters tempt you with cheap drinks. Tell them you're Buddhist, then commit acts of gluttony elsewhere.

STAY THE NIGHT IN: Rome

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3

The Vatican

If cool pope ever did an episode of MTV's Cribs, Vatican City would put anyone else's home to shame. Sure, 50 Cent's 19 Bedroom, 35 Bathroom House is pretty tight, but does it have it's own postal system, flag and national anthem? Didn't think so. Okay, so the cool pope doesn't have a garage filled with cool cars, but he does have a pope-mobile and museums filled with art worth billions. On this episode of Cribs, we're gonna take you deep inside the Vatican, where the party's just getting started. 

Cool Pope: "Hello MTV and welcome to my crib..."

What to See Inside: 

trastevere

This neighborhood south of the Vatican has no major sights to see and is thus virtually tourist-free which is great because it gives you the opportunity to sample some of the best dishes and drinks that the average tourist won't come close to sniffing or sipping. It's good to have a place in mind and reservation, but even wandering around, you're bound to stumble on a cozy hole in the wall.

STAY THE NIGHT IN: ROME

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